I told him I needed time to think about things and he started to cry, asking if we could still talk and I said yes. Its very sad because I thought we were happy together. They are very good at lying when it comes to not getting into trouble. He said it would be a disaster and that he doesnt want a scene. Today I have the first sign of coming back of my husbandafter one year of back off my husband was like we have met! Dealing with the same. Once the smoke cleared, you tried hard to understand why your partner was so upset. I feel for you Sarah, I am so sorry you are going through this! Not everyone with ASD takes this narcissistic path, but when they do it is devastating. Meltdowns are the norm. It invariably comes as a result of some action on the other person's part, usually a violation of trust or dependability. I find it hard to comprehend that he recognises the pain he inflicts but continues to do what is causing it (blocking me out). Being so introverted, I am often initially drawn to very emotional, social people. Dear Renee, I too am going through something similar and am wondering how your story developed a year later. I said I'd like to check in and see how she is feeling and tell her how I feel. I feel lost. Apparently he does not have the skills necessary to create a loving relationship. You were going to be a hero, and you finally had a way to make all that was good about you useful. I had stupid stupid argument when my aspie fiancee was lecturing me on how to do something and showed (as usual) no concern for the stress I was under at the time. If he is unwilling to work on developing more interpersonal skills, you will always feel alone. At this point it has been almost two weeks and I still havent heard from him. I believe she is an Aspie, so I forgive her for saying harsh things when I expressed my feelings. I do not want to grow in this relationship if it is all in my head. Narcissists exist at many levels of society and are not limited to one diagnosis. Why does the Aspie always get the blame? Of course blowing up is no solution, but it is a symptom . why it's so important to learn more about your partner's condition. Can he learn to see my point of view at least intellectually? Key points. I started feeling like a puzzle piece that anyone could fill if they were OK with parallel play and doing what he wants to do all weekend. Any advice would be appreciated. Its hard to keep letting someone doing this know youre there for them and still thinking of them as your partner (I havent seen him in a month). I dont want to leave but feel that there is no choice as I am not going to keep living like this. others or their feelings are of no interest to them . With age I can tell you it gets worse every single day. However, when the Aspie chooses to shut down, cut off, shun and even get passive aggressive, this has the result of making us feel abused, oppressed, and worthless. You felt like you were with Dr. Jekyll and Mr(s). Its all about Them. He might have an iq of 165 when it comes to logic and numbers, but his emotional intelligence is very low. Both people need to be committed to the process. Stroking their Ego. One of the problems is that sociopaths and aspies can present similarly on the surface. They didnt want you to behave. I try to comfort her in her bad times. As far as Today With Hoda and Jenna, cohost Jenna Bush Hager was joined by Sheinelle Jones and Willie Geist. I feel he does that as he is trying to save himself from an emotional breakdown? Wow. We NTs talk through everything, but Aspies not so much. I had been putting up with so much crap all day, and he said a few choice words, and I just lost control of my temper and let him have it, calling him miserable, a dark cloud, his whole family miserable (true; his dad is a delusional narcissist), noting how he couldnt deal with our ASD kiddo & fomented his meltdowns. I know, in my case, my ex loved having his daily routine and disliked planning for events outside . Im an unpaid volunteer. I have done and said everything to meet my partners needs. he always helps n People on the Autism Spectrum have a difficult time maintaining a relationship because they just dont think about you when you are not around. We met in college and were smitten. Thank you for pointing this out Lina. I dont get talk support unless I basically ask for it. My girlfriend says that she can tell when I'm going to go cold. They repress their true identity to fit in I hope you find ways to get your emotional needs met because it is something I didnt realize would affect me as negatively as it did. Of course he is breaking a promise to you to be faithful, but more importantly he fails to understand how hurtful his behavior is to you. He simply has not been able to verbalize that he has feelings for me. His mental state is his business and it isnt about you and nobody is entitled to insights into his mental state etc. If you can get out, do it. His silence is profoundly impacting me and has slammed me into serious anxiety and depression. Right now my mother has used private info I told her about a bad time my husband lost it and grabbed me so I wouldnt leave him and told the cops . A good therapist would help him set a schedule for gaming for example. By expressing my feelings to her, she completely backed away. Common ASD symptoms are motor coordination challenges, delayed decision-making skills and problems with executive functioning (those higher-level thinking skills, like multi-tasking). It was just the totality of feeling taken for granted and unappreciated. Then, out of the blue, I received a text message: "Darling, I don't want to hurt you, really I don't, but I cannot be in a relationship now, with you or anyone. I feel like he has been misunderstood his whole life and he knows I see him and he sees me. Wow. Once I gave them an attitude and they tried to tone police me, although they were just talking to me like that too. So the simple but devastating solution she has chosen is to abandon hope and hide. We didn't think about asperger's in the beginning, I just noticed that he was different, and I liked that, because I often feel that I am different too. He lives in a different city doesnt help. Many writers like Kathy Marshack and Maxine Aston write from the perspective of neurotypical supremacy, pathologizing, peddling paltry stereotypes, directly misrepresenting or ignoring research, and claiming [with painful irony] that aspies have zero degrees of empathy and simply cant understand well, much of anything. By the time I was in junior high, it was easier to keep my distance from people than to explain why I couldn't have them over. Its not just that you love him, but you have free will to decide what you want. I totally Agree with all of your post. Here I was left with 2 babies. Figure out sooner than later if you are in one, and get out before it gets even harder to leave. They triggered my ptsd and I started interrupting them telling them I didnt want to be screamed at, yes I stopped listening because they started screaming, went on defense and never responded to or respected my boundary. I understand its a disability and for that I will always make compromise because it is my choice to be with him. Some aspie behavior is eerily similar to those seen in narcissistic personality disorder and most of us are very inclined to blind ourselves to his and think its ASD. You are not responsible for them! How to confront your Aspie. Reading these posts exemplify what I felt day to day with him. But Im tired of being emotionally and verbally abused. He didnt seem to mind at all. My gut and my heart tells me he'll come around again and that something just triggered his breakdown and I just need to give him space but man, this is killing me! He said he was depressed for a couple of months but processed it all with his therapist and that now hes feeling amazing, doesnt miss me at all and likes his new life where there is no stress and where he feels much lighter. I think you did an excellent job of expressing the perspective of an Autist. Since then he pulled away and been mia for a week. I am usually super patient and either keep silent or try to gently discuss it while he changes the subject or agrees with me but doesnt change. So Im now 2 weeks in to this and decided to wait for her a bit longer, but trying to move on for now. You tried to reassure them at the beginning, but they wouldnt believe anything you said. I never thought that I would have an opportunity to think and reflect on what love really is. NTs tend to be very dramatic when expressing emotions which feels like they are being manipulative. disregard for the feelings of others . So embarrassing. To them, they're just unable to cope with the TV being moved to the opposite side of the room. Every time I tried reaching out to talk about the relationship he would get distressed, verbally aggressive, showing absolutely no empathy and his take was that this period was to not talk at all. Your partner had seen the worst of you and loved it deeply, but suddenly this tiny detail was catastrophic. This sensitive, charismatic person became so awkward and distant in public. I was so happy that a woman I liked invited me somewhere. Please take care of yourself. Ive been in a relationship for 9 months and besides being incredibly smart, hes been giving me the silent treatment for 2 days. you want to chat and resolve but they just dont think its important. February 3, 2021 / 1:08 pm (MST) Here's a phrase that I've seen repeated throughout the comments on this blog on several occasions; "I know that he won't miss me when I'm gone because he's aspie" Today, we're going to (try to) bust that myth; Individuals I'll start off with a reminder that everyone is an individual. The beginning was so beautiful and happy, like a dream actually. She expressed to us (before this happened) that if we really knew her we wouldnt love her. same thing happened to me.devastating.mostly that he felt so hurt by me when that is the last thing i wud ever have wanted.i just didnt understand what i was dealing. But since he got a new job and everything start messy up. But two days ago I had a breakthrough when it dawned on me that he could be on the spectrum, and it was as though a veil had lifted. But I realized cuz of his reaction to my pain that he didnt mean to hurt me. It was just help our relationship to get better (I believe its been perfect to him). He on the other hand after giving me years of the silent treatment, treating me with contempt on and off, mainly off, mood swings, temper tantrums, has found his newly setup business has thrived in lockdown and rented himself a beautiful house and moved all his stuff out and ended our relationship saying we would be both better off with someone else! 4 4.Why Do Aspies - Wives and Partners of Aspies - Aspergers; 5 5.Aspie Shutdown and Withdrawal: Dealing with Sudden Emotional 6 6.Aspie dumped me out of the blue - why so sudden? To learn more just click on the Meetup logo on my website. Where before you could do no wrong, now you began to feel that you could do no right. I wish there were an easy way to find an affordable professional to help with marital and issues. I tried seducing him..you cannot believe how much it hurts to get turned down. You useful tired of being emotionally and verbally abused heard from him I never thought that I would have iq! 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