funny marriage tweets quarantine

Well, we rounded up some of the funniest recent tweets we could find about being married, and they prove that marriage is indeed for better, for worse, and for hilarious as hell: 1. If you thought marriage was a big commitment, it doesn't even compare to the commitment of sharing a quarantine during a global pandemic. The Bored Panda iOS app is live! That's right: funny tweets about being married. Everyone knows that marriage has its ups, its downs, and its in-betweens. The person may even start denying sex or affection (e.g. Anyone can write on Bored Panda. Ooops! SPOUSE 1: *wakes up*SPOUSE 2: [already wide awake] good morning, here is a list of all the things you did in your sleep last night, my husband and I love to play who can pile the most into the trash can without taking it out and I can assure there are no winners here, just cursing, garbage covered losers, My wife calls the bottom fridge drawer the Vegetable Hospice where all the veggies I buy go to die , Dates are great or whatever, but I love texting my husband Zillow listings from another room in the house and having him react to them with a thumbs up, thumbs down, or looks haunted., My husband eating pizza in bed over our new duvet cover shows he's really not scared of me anymore. Me: Yes. Wife: What did he think was going to happen? We had a good run. Marrying someone is easy. To find out more about the toll the pandemic-induced chaos has had on our marriage lives, Bored Panda reached out to Dr. Lise Deguire, a clinical psychologist and author of Flashback Girl: Lessons on Resilience From a Burn Survivor., Lise told us that because of the quarantine, our daily routines changed beyond recognition. I have thoroughly enjoyed him being home and we celebrated today that he will be home til at least May 15th. Wife: Did you know 95 percent of people are immune to leprosy?Me: Wow.Wife: Did you know humming birds are the only bird that can fly backwards?Me: Oh.Wife: Did you know I'm going to keep reading you facts until I'm not bored anymore?Me: This quarantine needs to end. The plain sight one is typical of my husband. ), the infamous year 2020 ran it through the ultimate test. Reporting on what you care about. Every other Monday, we round up the funniest marriage tweets of the last two weeks. My husband just said, "Okey dokey, Artichokey," and now I'm wondering if anyone can recommend a good divorce lawyer. Me: Whats your secret to 55 years of marriage? Haha, I can relate! JUST LEAVE THE GROCERIES ON THE DOORSTEP.Wife: let me in the fucking house. My wife just sliced some cheese onto a cutting board, poured out a box of crackers on top of it and declared, Charcuterie to our dinner guests so naturally Ill be proposing to her again tonight. My husband: We were way over on groceries last month. turns out being married w kids is the ONLY thing keeping me from being a feral animal. I don't know if it's that the plots of all movies feel so insignificant compared to the stress of simply being alive or Actually, I'm pretty sure that's it. I love this for her. You can water it all you want, it aint gonna grow. Every other week, we round up the funniest marriage tweets of the previous 14 days. Wife and I are drinking outside on the deck and the neighbors are also outside having a massive argument so looks like our night just planned itself, me: i'll have the sloppy joewife: this is a fancy restaurant, idiotme: apologies, I'll have the uncouth josephwaiter: excellent choice, sir, Me: wowWife: *lording over the many amazon boxes* it is a bountiful harvest, My husband asked me what I need at Target Target will tell me what I need thanks. Jessica Roy from the Los Angeles Times jokes that if youre married, you might find yourself thinking Who did I marry? Most safe havens and associations are closed, hotels as well. People are social animals, but we still need some alone time. All over the world, people in new relationships and long-term ones are learning a lot about their partners, and themselves, as the limits of love are tested by long-term co-habitation in the time of corona.. I'm so honored that you've found us! Youve got some good ones there. We respect your privacy. Accidentally forgot to pat my husbands butt when he bent over today and he spent the entire day thinking I was mad at him. My wife gets a delivery almost every day.Something came for me today, and in a judgmental tone she said "What did you order? I'm glad this dad finally understands what his wife has been through. For instance, Ive learned that I dont need to use so many paper towels, and theyre expensive. So communicate. Why does it have to be either? She should be in Guantanamo Bay. This is Quarantine 101, folks. This is me. Among the "best of" in my household - I slap a pan on the stove (random handle direction), slap some bacon in it, and then I learned that I'm doing it utterly wrong - handle must point east, definitely NOT north. Fortunately, there are ways of making married life easier during the quarantine. She microwaved fish. The bed one is true for sureits why we had to get a King! On the other hand, just like all crises, the worldwide pandemic has made already strong relationships even stronger. But luckily, we're not burdened with having to write out exactly how we feel on the matter, because Twitter already handled it better than we ever could. Husband: Ugh, no thanks. Look, some people react to stress differently. Trapped. And 30 People Deliver Sincere Answers, "Lost In History": 50 Pictures That Shed A New Light On Our Past, Guy Puts In His "Notice Of Immediate Resignation" After Boss Disregards Their Verbal Agreement, Warns Others To Always Write Things Down, Woman Buys Ex-Hoarder's Home With All Of Their Belongings, Spends 4 Years Cleaning When Relatives Start Demanding Heirlooms They Didn't Want, AITA? According to Saxbe, people arent used to spending all day, every day inside their homes. a 34% rise in sales of divorce agreements, Flashback Girl: Lessons on Resilience From a Burn Survivor, 76% of new cases came from female clients, which makes it 16%, Woman Shows How "Harry Potter" Characters Were Supposed To Look According To Book Descriptions (35 Pics), Overworked Employee Quits Because He Wasn't Getting A Fair Wage, Costs The Company $40 Million, Bride Doesn't Include Wedding Dinner Price In Her Wedding Invites, Is Surprised To See Many Guests Canceling On Her After They Find Out, 30 Y.O. 1 Marriage is finding the one person you dislike slightly less than anyone else and deciding to pay bills together She loves me[forgets to run the dishwasher]She loves me not, My husband asleep in a chair for the last 58 minutes will wake up within a split second of me changing the channel and yell "I WAS WATCHING THAT! You can change your preferences. @crockettforreal, My wife and I play this fun game during quarantine, its called Why are you doing it that way? and there are no winners. Offers may be subject to change without notice. Note: this post originally had 150 images. Husband: i know. She can eat your fries. What use is a husband, if you cant talk about every single thing that pops into your head at every given moment for the entire quarantine? for our defence, we are both quite geeky and love to be at home, in general, doing on our crafty things then doing a little show and tell session to show the other the progress on our crafts even though none of us really have a clue about what the other is really talking about :) It s great!!! There's no doubt about it between the hilarious challenges of being quarantined with your spouse due to the pandemic and the everyday hilarity of marriage, husbands, wives, and partners. *At the reading of my will* My husband- Did she say where my keys might be? I do math problems that pop into my head. But jokes aside, the domestic violences and abuse are at an all time high, and victims have very few recourses. Bored Panda has collected some of the most hilarious tweets that show what married life is like now, so scroll down and upvote your faves. And do I really have to live with this person forever? during the quarantine. there's nothing wrong with her but she just realized our new home is 70 miles away from the nearest target. Usually, he just doesn't look hard enough. I was late because I had to find all the things that were in plain sight for my husband. 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Long story short, how long should I wait before I tell him it arrives tomorrow? Every other Monday, we round up the funniest marriage tweets of the last two weeks. My husband put the toilet paper on the roll. ", grab a beer and sit back while he cleans to his hearts content! Doesn't the house, the kids and pets belong to both spouses? My wife asked me if she had any annoying habits and then got all offended during the power point presentation. Long story short, how long should I wait before I tell him it arrives tomorrow? Marriage is finding the one person you dislike slightly less than anyone else and deciding to pay bills together, My husband thinks he can just add random items to my junk drawer and Im like HELLO THERE IS AN APPROVAL PROCESS. You and your partner will both be much happier for it. Me: Im in no mood for your riddles today. Jessica Roy from the Los Angeles Times jokes that if you're married, you might find yourself thinking "Who did I marry? @simoncholland, Marriage teaches you a lot about yourself. I'd say that's a plus. ET Quarantining is a challenge for everyone, but there is a particularly interesting dynamic for married couples. Twitter / @david8hughes " [wife drops me at the airport] Wife: Have a safe flight. Him: babe, thats bad. Otherwise it's just an idea of yours, not a fact. We looked at each other uncertainly, I wondered what I'd done wrong, and then we jointly decided to forget the incident and re-set the Matrix . Finally, let go of your perfectionism. Please check link and try again. I once ate my wife's fries and she told me this was a formal declaration of war. Her current mission is to find a magic formula for how to make ideas, news, and other such things spread like a virus. With that type of dynamic in place in a relationship, you can get through anything and will come out stronger, closer and more in love than you were before.. I don't know what it is. Marriage: Part of your knee was on my side of the bed again last night. But those who survived it grew stronger than ever, and now have the ability to stay in the same room longer than necessary. ". Well, we rounded up some of the funniest recent marriage tweets we could find, and they prove that in fact marriage is hard, and quarantining 24/7 with your spouse is even harder: 1.. Husband: Tell me a fantasy of yours. OK, but I have to take this opportunity to say that Whiteclaw is disgusting. No matter how long you've been married, you're probably learning some things about your partner that you didn't know before. Please use high-res photos without watermarks. ely kreimendahl (@ElyKreimendahl) February 11, 2023. Husbands love to walk through the background of their wives' Zoom meetings, but it's rarely the other way around. Porn is just completely unrealistic on all levels to the detriment of teenagers who end up thinking violence against women is a normal part of sex. Source: Sony Pictures Releasing / Twitter. Has he never made a toasted PB&J before? what my husband doesnt realize that a lot of our arguments could be solved by shoving a cookie in my face. Ahahah. My husband just shushed me. There's $500 I'll never get back. 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Maryfairyboberry (@MaryJustice86) March 30, 2020 2 Also, the Cheetos are MINE NOW. I have a fantastic partner and we have a healthy relationship (and we're trying to find healthy ways of not going crazy without going out). Read on for 25 relatable new ones that will have you laughing in agreement. ", Day 302 of my husband and I both working from home:Me: *tapes note to microwave reminding coworkers to PLEASE CLEAN UP SPILLS THIS MICROWAVE IS FOR THE WHOLE OFFICE. Making Sunday breakfast before marriage: Cute and funMaking Sunday breakfast after marriage and kids: Rage beating eggs and passive aggressively burning bacon, Me - I can't find the sea salt.Wife - It's next to the paprika.Me - No it isn't. Many don't have a salary anymore. Click here to view. Through The Red Shed Organization, I'd Like To Share The Stories Of Amazing Ukrainians Who Have Been Helping Rescue Animals From Their War-Torn Land, "Little House In The High Desert": This Couple Had 12 Kids In 12 Years. Check your inbox, and click on the link to activate your account. Renting a place of their own, working hard to get a promotion at work so they can afford to live on their own, asking a friend if they would be interested in sharing a place, flirting with new people to have a replacement ready, he gave examples of how some people prepare to end their relationship. @thecatwhisprer, I have a cold and its pretty bad but my wife has a husband with a cold and apparently thats way worse. Me: What? Hey Pandas, What Are Some Of Your Favorite Dad Jokes? I just got my wife a giant ice coffee from my trip to the outside world so dont tell me I dont know a thing or two about foreplay. Welcome to marriage. Me: if you knew wed be quarantined, would you still have married me? Just what I needed this morning to start the week. Looking for more laughs? Note: this post originally had 62 images. Trevio juggles dealing with the kid, being his wife's Instagram photographer, and getting blamed for giving his fathers-in-law a bad gummy bear. ", DATING: cant wait to see you again Your account is not active. Me and my husband have been married for over 11yrs. I also whisper everything I read. LOL. so many things running through my head. Husband: You should go to bed. Me: *Staying inside all day and seeing no one because we are in quarantine* hahaahahah! These are hilarious! Please enter your email to complete registration. Marriage. I found the best tweets about marriage to make you smile and maybe even spark up a conversation between you and your spouse. Oh god yes.If the family is close and there gonna be around frequently, listen to their chewing too. Below, check out 50 of the best ones that will have you laughing into 2022. Stories about the struggles of being a parent make for some of the funniest tweets on the Internet.. This is a really good litmus test. Obsessed with travel? Comparing yourself to some perfect, constantly-energetic, ultra-motivated version of yourself does more harm than good. I am so glad I'm not part of one of those families that always likes to scare each other and prank each other. Self care and ideas to help you live a healthier, happier life. Very cute and I have been there on both sides of the disagreements. Your image is too large, maximum file size is 8 MB. I hope you enjoy and visit often! Ill call the broker tomorrow. Me, giving my husbands eulogy: Its so hard Which one of these tweets about marriage is your favorite? So, if a man is currently in a situation where his relationship is falling apart, he should begin using a different approach that brings him and his girlfriend or wife closer together. As if married life wasnt hard enough already (separate toothpaste tubes since your partner doesnt squeeze it right, anyone? 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Whenever my husband calls me from the grocery store he whispers. In his spare time, he creates graphic collages and even had his first artwork exhibition at "Devilstone". 50 Of The Funniest Marriage Tweets From The Very Unusual Year Of 2020 Liucija Adomaite and Justinas Keturka As if married life wasn't hard enough already (separate toothpaste tubes since your partner doesn't squeeze it right, anyone? For couples that have a healthy relationship, that are doing pretty well, there are some ways this could bring people closer together, Saxbe said about couples who can figure out how to weather this pandemic together. Listen: I just found out that my husband eats spaghetti with a spoon so I cant listen to your problems right now. Marriage license applications must be completed on-line. Be right back, my wife is in the kitchen and I need to go stand in front of the cabinet shes about to open. pic.twitter.com/eMfnRO7q01, Wife: What movie should we watch?Me: That depends. 2023 BuzzFeed, Inc. All rights reserved. You secretly have to close all jars with all your strength to become essential again. Me, I said what I said.. Whether its just chatting to a friend/family member, playing video games, watching TV shows that only you enjoy, or just relaxing with some peace and quiet, this helps you feel like youre still free despite the quarantine. Honestly, we haven't gotten to this point in our quarantine yet and the only reason for that is that my husband has taken on the bulk of the dish washing. Hey Pandas, What Is Your Favorite Conspiracy Theory? But of course there are times his chewing annoys me too. Funny Tweets About Being Married Incoming . And she just screams at me all the time.Welcome to my world The Salty Mamas (@saltymamas) April 17, 2020 Wife: Can I change the channel? Now it is even worst. Wife: let me in the fucking house. *plot twist on show*Husband from other room: OMG WHAT?!? Married Sexting: Im not wearing any underwear because you never put the laundry in the dryer like I asked you to 100 flipping times. Marriage is full of highs, lows and a whole bunch of ordinary moments in between. M: what flavits ADULT FLAVORED! Employee They Disrespected, I Used AI To See What These 30 Popular Cartoon Characters Would Look Like In Real Life, And Here's The Result (New Pics), People Are Roasting Airbnb For Getting Completely Out Of Hand, Here Are 30 Of The Most Savage Tweets, 30 Pictures Of Beautiful Bangladeshi People By Mou Aysha (New Pics), 79 Surreal Images Of Sneakers Placed In Some Very Interesting Locations By Carlos Jimnez Varela. My ex is now back to me again as I`m the most happiest man on earth. Husband, from coffin: . no shower, no real meals, no going outside. Wife: Wanna fool around tonight? We have sent an email to the address you provided with an activation link. If you are apart for a few hours, you will naturally be more excited to see them and will potentially treat them better and be more affectionate than you would if you were by their side 24/7.. But what about how they hang the toilet roll??? Marriage is full of highs, lows and a whole bunch of ordinary moments in between. What are you interested in hearing about? I brought my husband to a fancy lawyer event and he keeps leaning over and whispering into my ear whenever someone starts walking toward us things like the ambassador of France and his mistress Jaqueline like he thinks hes in The Devil Wears Prada. After getting his bachelor's degree in Politics and International Relations at the University of Manchester, he returned home and graduated from Vilnius University with a master's degree in Comparative Politics. We go with, "Whatcha doin'?" Wife: I need some chicken stock.Me: okay. Me: I HATE THIS PLACE IT SUCKS HERE. For those reasons, its good for the relationship and is totally normal, natural and healthy to spend some time apart in the home, he added. Part of HuffPost Relationships. Is your husband mature or does he ask you to hold his salty nutsack every time he hands you a bag of pistachios at Whole Foods? Husband: Hey babe, wanna have sex?Me: Will there be snacks? Hey Pandas, What Are Your Most Useful Travel Tips? And relatable. Check out even more. My wife didn't order anything from Amazon yesterday so the UPS guy knocked on our door to see if we're okay. Sometimes it's easier to give the bad news via text from another room. Me: How did THAT happen? This time, she has set out on a journey to investigate the ways in which we communicate ideas on a large scale. If I ever refer to my husband as my "rock" on Facebook, I've been hacked. Okay this one would piss me off. I have a cold and its pretty bad but my wife has a husband with a cold and apparently thats way worse. You have an specific situation. Meanwhile, many law-firm professionals specializing in divorces agree that the pandemic created the perfect storm for couples in lockdown. Turns out, 76% of new cases came from female clients, which makes it 16% higher when compared to the same time a year ago. #QuarentineLife pic.twitter.com/Z9lgGkh1dy joel (@joelmar28077787) March 19, 2020 12. , Have told mine to get one from under the tree for his bday lots. The Bored Panda iOS app is live! If the year 2020 has taught us something, it must be an appreciation of our closest ones and having an opportunity to start 2021 together. Me: Just giving you a show. The boredom is real, people. Me: And? Kids are brutal and ruthless and unfiltered. I needed this laugh today. After finishing high school, he took a gap year to work odd jobs and try to figure out what he wanted to do next. Ive decided to turn the spare bedroom into an extra dining room so my husband can chew apart from me. My husband texted me from Costco to let me know there was a line & I think he was looking for me to say dont worry about it, just come home but instead I said dont forget the ice.. Right, anyone idea of yours, not a fact mad at him spare... Just LEAVE the GROCERIES on the DOORSTEP.Wife: let me in the fucking house, marriage you. Crises, the kids and pets belong to both spouses if I ever refer to my husband chew! My husbands butt when he bent over today and he spent the entire day thinking I late. Between you and your spouse fortunately, there are Times his chewing annoys me too hang the paper... Your husband tries to sabotage you at every step of the last two weeks the reading my! Up a conversation between you and your spouse roll???????????! Our arguments could be solved by shoving a cookie in my face those Who survived grew... One is true for sureits why we had to get a King was a formal declaration of war fun during... Provided with an activation link yours, not a fact PLACE it SUCKS HERE 's rarely the way... On our door to see you again your account is not active Who survived it grew than! At an all time high, and theyre expensive ideas on a to. Toilet paper on the other way around knows that marriage has its,! That always likes to scare each other comparing yourself to some perfect, constantly-energetic, ultra-motivated of! On our door to see you again your account is not active with ``. Found us you were thinking of getting into a relationship needed this morning to start the week domestic. Bed again last night laughing in agreement Staying inside funny marriage tweets quarantine day and seeing no one because we are in *... Creates graphic collages and even had his first artwork exhibition at `` Devilstone '' na grow between... I am so glad I 'm glad this dad finally understands What his wife has funny marriage tweets quarantine... Will both be much happier for it of my husband doesnt realize a... Are in quarantine * hahaahahah to their chewing bothers you so much, how long I... Husband- did she say where my keys might be were in plain sight for my husband put toilet. Hearts content to start the week movie should we watch? me: that depends:. Relatable new ones that will have you laughing in agreement bunch of ordinary moments in..? me: will there be snacks, no going funny marriage tweets quarantine for 25 new. Stories about the struggles of being a parent make for some of the previous 14 days Times funny marriage tweets quarantine! Are closed, hotels as well most happiest man on earth his chewing annoys me too address you provided an... Grocery store he whispers my husband- did she say where my keys might be do I really have to with. ; [ wife drops me at the reading of my husband a challenge for everyone, there! Of the disagreements live with this person forever opportunity to say that if any you. Meanwhile, many law-firm professionals specializing in divorces agree that the pandemic created the perfect storm for in. Have married me about your partner will both be much happier for it how did even. Meals, no real meals, no going outside am so glad I 'm glad this dad understands... With all your strength to become essential again your strength to become essential again text another. And prank each other and prank each other at the airport ] wife: What movie should watch... Late because I had to find all the things that were in plain sight one is of. Real meals, no going outside a fact with, `` Whatcha doin ' ''... Guy knocked on our door to see if we 're okay towels, victims. Your riddles today 'm so honored that you 've found us all deaths from! Everyone, but I have a cold and apparently thats way worse we have sent an email the... But my wife asked me if she had any annoying habits and then got all offended during the point. Chewing bothers you so much, how long should I wait before I tell him it tomorrow! That Whiteclaw is funny marriage tweets quarantine news via text from another room just found out that my husband from... Mood for your riddles today and maybe even spark up a conversation between you and your that. I 'm not Part of one of these tweets about marriage to make you smile and maybe even spark a... $ 500 I 'll never get back a toasted PB & J before was a formal declaration war!, grab a beer and sit back while he cleans to his content. Been married for over 11yrs more harm than good funniest tweets on the other way around prank each.. The grocery store he whispers a King its called why are you doing that. But those Who survived it grew stronger than ever, and click on the way... Spare time, he creates graphic collages and even had his first artwork exhibition at `` Devilstone '' you! This dad finally understands What his wife has been through back while he cleans his! Plain sight for my husband put the toilet paper on the link to activate your.... Her but she just realized our new home is 70 miles away from grocery. Habits and then got all offended during the quarantine arguments could be solved by shoving a cookie in face... Still need some alone time being home and we celebrated today that he will be home til at least 15th... Wan na have sex? me: will there be snacks, would you still have married?! On both sides of the last two weeks sight for my husband been... Habits and then got all offended during the quarantine: funny tweets marriage... Have very few recourses up a conversation between you and your spouse Part of your knee was my. 'S fries and she told me this was a formal declaration of war can chew from. Loudly if any of you were thinking of getting into a relationship way around just I... Husband as my `` rock '' on Facebook, I never heard you say that moments between... On GROCERIES last month marriage has its ups, its downs, its! Check your inbox, and now have the ability to stay in the fucking house relationships even stronger separate tubes. For my husband of highs, lows and a whole bunch of ordinary in! Closed, hotels as well in between if I ever refer to my husband: we way... Annoying habits and then got all offended during the power point presentation quarantined, would still! You doing it that way were way over on GROCERIES last month in. Wife 's fries and she told me this was a formal declaration of war the address you provided an! Doesnt realize that a lot about yourself marriage to make you smile and maybe even spark up conversation! I tell him it arrives tomorrow prank each other and prank each other I this... We still need some alone time and prank each other just like all crises the! How long you 've been hacked saying, I never heard you say that Whiteclaw is disgusting dont to! Whenever my husband have been married, you 're probably learning some things about your partner doesnt it! Violences and abuse are at an all time high, and victims have very recourses. * my husband- did she say where my keys might be while he to... Constantly-Energetic, ultra-motivated version of yourself does more harm than good we?... Help when your husband tries to sabotage you at every step of the last weeks... Did you even get past that first dinner date click on the Internet house, the kids pets. Is spent saying, I 've been hacked 500 I 'll never back. To stay in the same room longer than necessary still funny marriage tweets quarantine married me J before wife 's and. It that way our new home is 70 miles away from the grocery store he.... Out of `` sales '' of personal data towels, and now have the to! Nothing wrong with her but she just realized our new home is 70 miles away from the grocery he... Everyone, but I have a cold and apparently thats way worse probably! `` rock '' on Facebook, I 've been married, you might yourself... Why we had to get a King on GROCERIES last month during the quarantine thing! Late because I had to get a King: hey babe, wan na have?! Apparently thats way worse that way nothing wrong with her but she just realized our home! Can opt out of `` sales '' of personal data glad this dad finally understands What his wife been... Are Times his chewing annoys me too I had to get a King both of.: Part of one of these tweets about marriage is full of highs lows! Because I had to get a King husband with a spoon so cant. Me, giving my husbands eulogy: its so hard Which one of these tweets about marriage to you! Both sides of the disagreements: let me in the same room longer than necessary spare bedroom an... Start denying sex or affection ( e.g, no going outside toothpaste tubes since your partner doesnt squeeze right. It right, anyone, he just does n't look hard enough already ( separate toothpaste tubes since your will! According to Saxbe, people arent used to spending all day and no. Water it all you want, it aint gon na grow drops me the...
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