Youre pinning this whole situation on OP which is ridiculous, youre clearly projecting whatever resentment you have for your partner you decided to cheat on. If you become hubbys sex kitten, the alley cat might purr foryou! Im sure you want to know why hes not inviting you to family events, as well as what you can do to be invited. It made me feel special. Honestly, if the LWs husband stayed in town he would resent her and if she went to the party it would be awkward. the husbands family hated his mom for whatever reason, and so she just stopped going to FL when they went to visit. he cant change her behavior either so then even if she is being a jerk, does that mean that he shouldnt go to her party? There is obviously a reason why she wasnt invited and judging by the comments the LW made, I can see why. Ive told him my feelings and I do feel that my role is now to take the high road and not be petty. Otherwise, she might be as surprised as you were to find out you werent invited by your husband. You say you're trying to be more social, does he know this? January 15, 2013, 8:39 pm. In other words, did he have any prior reason to have said such a thing? Theres also the chance that hes just being shady as the behavior is not normal and I would expect him to insist on taking you.This could be a red flag of him not being the one for you. Heres 22 signs he absolutely, under no circumstances, wants to be your boyfriend. I helped him shop for his outfit earlier this week (dress up party). January 23, 2013, 11:27 pm. Beer and football with his family? If you wanted to go to the party, then it is okay to say so. I stayed away from his daughters wedding- he wouldnt stand up for me there. This doesn't necessarily mean he's ashamed of you for being you. Im with you that its incredibly rude that you werent included in the invitation to your SILs 40th birthday party. I don't know, I mean, I was always under the assumption that you don't invite someone to someone else's event unless given permission from the event thrower to do so. This party was a going away party for one of his friends, and some of our mutual friends were present (so it's not like I would be a complete stranger there). Im so awesome!, lets_be_honest Like Wendy said, Im guessing there are serious issues that led to this very blatant exclusion, and Im sure the degree of their legitimacy depends on how you talk to. You sound really co-dependant. Vathena Id be curious to hear your SILs side why shes excluding her brothers wife to an important event. Couples are a unit. It's perfectly acceptable to want to hang out without our SO sometimes. G A S P, lets_be_honest My advice would be for LW to calmly confront SIL and be prepared to perhaps not like what she hearsMaybe jot some notes down, and call her up. We are all speculating right now because there is such a broad specturm of things the LW could have done to piss of the SIL. January 15, 2013, 10:30 am. 19/20 year olds who can't afford an uber aren't going to "black tie, invitiation only" parties. January 15, 2013, 2:57 pm. January 15, 2013, 2:34 pm. Nobody is saying he should bring the wife anyway and try to have a confrontation at the party, but I disagree that this is not the time to take a stand. The first time IS the time to take a stand, because the argument with be more difficult and murky the longer you wait. LW is really left with two basic choices: allow husband to implement his decision to attend without her with good grace from this point forward, or continue fighting with him about. January 15, 2013, 10:06 pm. If hes having any doubts about the relationship or his future with you, hes going to be hesitant about introducing you to his family. My point is sometimes people dont really need a huge reason to act ridiculously. In conclusion, I am saying that we do not have enough information to know why the LW was excluded or whether she needs to make amends for poor behavior. MISS MJ A Concerned Girlfriend Took To Reddit Seeking The Advice Of Other Users After Learning That Her Boyfriend Planned A Vacation With His Female Best Friend And Did Not Invite Her. Cant they say no? However, I feel like there is a pretty big reason your SIL is excluding you specifically. Sometimes I dont really want to, but I feel like its rude to leave him and not ask if he wants to come along. To show that he has a stronger allegiance to you than to his family? Instead, you might try taking the high road and say something along the lines of, Im so hurt that your sister didnt invite me. Boyfriend and I have been together for almost three years now, and overall we have a wonderful relationship. . female I just was thinking of my 30th and it was awesome having everyone in one place, many of them out of staters. Maybe the SIL thinks they wouldnt be able to afford the tickets and only invited her brother in an effort to spare them embarrassment. Further, your capitulation to the status quo may be a trait you use often in lifewhich will keep you stuck. Post all the fun you are having on Facebook too! Which is why I think the husband should talk to his sister and explain she is being crazy. LW, I would urge you to let your husband go on his own to the party- heck, Id even buy the sister a pretty little gift and send it along- twist that knife in the wound! no birthday wishes for fabelle either, amiright? (You know that old saying that in order to have friends you first have to be one.) So don't resent anyone; carrying around negative energy never does any good anyway. Thankfully, we live far away from this SIL, and his other sister feels as I do about the Clampetts, so we have each other with whom to commiserate. Especially for an adults birthday party. Pitting your wife against your sister when you have no intention of weighing in could be a disaster! By: Alexandra Brown, University of Illinois. Like I am a weak girlfriend. Its not a good or bad thing, it just is. Also, storytime becausealthough its not totally similarI keep thinking about it: A few years ago, my uncle was dating this married woman. You should have a better foundation than that but constant, endless slights do take a toll on a marriage and can break it over time. Addie Pray You are already suffering and believe me, if your husband is still nursing off the family sickness by attending he is not able to be a grown up. Likeyoure an adult! Do I have the right to hate him? Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? usually by that time in your life, you have a mortgage, kids, whatever, stupid stuff that ties you down and doesnt let you just party whenever you want with whoever you want. I wouldn't choose any of them as a friend. I agree. Hahaha. To me all it shows his family is that they can still see him whenever they want even if they exclude his wife. Or wait, dont wait. The ONLY way I see this as acceptable is if it is the SIL, the brother and the parents (and other blood siblings if there are some). That sounds brilliant! Do you feel disrespected by your husband in general? I would never, and I do mean never, accept a family invitation sent only to me and not my husband, simply because we are a unit and the strength of our relationship is the foundation of my life; at the end of the day, I come home to my husband, not my extended family. I am lucky that my husbands family is nice. January 15, 2013, 11:59 am. We are together for maybe 4-5 months, so youre right on that one, and as for his friends, I would understand that as well, I dont think its a secret that people dont always get along and love everyone, I would still prefer that which ever is the case, he would actually tell me.. Will talk about it, guess theres no choice, thank you! January 15, 2013, 9:54 pm. Related 11 Signs he doesnt see a future with you. Has he wasted opportunities to smooth the relationship between you and his family because it was easier to remain neutral? ebstarr Yeah, I guess Im avoiding the conversation since I dont know how to put it so it doesnt sound like - please invite me-. Hellooooo, Im back and we got no update from the LW? But if he NEVER invites you out, when the group is big and mixed, he just doesnt want to spend time with you. No, Im not expecting him to drop his family. Even if they knew her boyfriend was going? Reddit and its partners use cookies and similar technologies to provide you with a better experience. Its Ironic you even used the words "gave in to seduction" as if it was going on for years! Are you for real? I dont think so. He's afraid you'd be jealous because he has a semi flirtatious relationship with a female collegue 3. I feel like if anyone is going to say anything to her, it should be me. In my family (and my husbands and most families I know) it just known that when one spouse is invited the other is too (and in my family even boyfriends/girlfriends). What was your response when he said he didn't think you would want to go? I hope LW thinks long and hard about all your follow up questions. Also expand your own sexual boundaries. thats a really, really shitty position to put someone in if this was a really important thing, id say that he should side with you, he did marry you after all- but its a freaking birthday party. But at least you would have ASKED. I would have loved to go with you as your wife.. And like someone above said, he can let his family know when he goes that he doesnt appreciate the fact that she was excluded and he thinks its rude. Hey LW, just wanted to say that a) Im excited that you updated because we were all curious! Nonsense. But your boyfriend isn't responsible for that hurt and he's been placed in an awkward position of either upsetting you by attending the wedding even though you weren't invited, or hurting his close friends, thoughtless as they may appear, by missing one of the most important events of their lives. January 16, 2013, 9:21 am. Skyblossom His sister got engaged recently and . . is causing him to abandon his wife for the weekend, travel to Chicago to party, spend money on airfare and whatnot, and she has absolutely no say because its his family? There must be a reason. He is the person you really have a problem with. By accepting all cookies, you agree to our use of cookies to deliver and maintain our services and site, improve the quality of Reddit, personalize Reddit content and advertising, and measure the effectiveness of advertising. If she was the affair that broke up her husbands previous marriage (which we dont know if there was one) and he has kids from that marriage who will be at the party then I can see his family refusing to invite her. He says that he understands why Im hurt and doesnt deny that I was purposely excluded, but, at the end of the day, the greater slight would be to his sister if he was not there to support her. Sometimes, they might allude to this with other excuses. 12. Men and women are invited to these parties and he is having one tomorrowto watch the fight. No? All Content Copyright (C) DearCupid.ORG 2004-2008 - we actively monitor for copyright theft, Register in under one minute and get your own agony aunt column. We went out last weekend for my birthday with a few friends and I was happy and having a good time. I would expect him not go to an event hosted by his sibling if I wasnt invited. This post was published on the now-closed HuffPost Contributor platform. I dont feel so bad for the husband. January 15, 2013, 3:56 pm. I wish her luck because her husbands refusal to stand up for her and give her guidance on how to get along with his family is going to create major problems in her marriage. How do I talk to my boyfriend about this in the morning (he will most likely come home very late after I go to bed, pretty sure they're going clubbing even though he said he wouldn't). They are just jealous that he has a real family now I told him I didnt want him to go.. Oh you. I dont know how to handle a situation that hasnt happened yet. Read on, hopefully, one or more of the following reasons will ring true as to why hes not been inviting you to his family events and how you can talk to him and help start including you: The most obvious reason why anyone doesnt invite a special someone to any event that is important to them is that theyre hiding something. FML. It just seems less likely that your SIL has some completely unwarranted vendetta against you that your husband is fine with it. Now in lots of cases this isnt an issue where people use common sense, decency and can function like adults, and that pendulum can swing back and forth pretty easily, but if people dont behave then the problem shouldnt be left to fester At some point he is going to have to choose to stick up for his wife and insist that HIS family is treated a certain way by the rest of HIS family, or not, but he and his wife have to come to some sort of understanding and it doesnt seem like they are anywhere close. i mean, maybe this really is a small, *specifically* family only gathering. When you accidentally bump into him on a night out, he refuses to hold your hand or dance with you. Or, at the very least enables you to talk openly to him and figure out what it is hes hiding. Im not against drawing a line in the sand or ultimatums but it seems you told your husband me or her and he picked her. And, for what its worth, if the SIL had written in and said the LW was a terrible, no good rotten person who she loathed and she just wanted to invite her brother to her party and not his wife, my advice would have been that like her or not, the LW is her brothers wife and the SIL has to respect that. I would also try to find out why I wasnt invited. The wife is having to stay home while her husband basically goes on a vacation without her, which seems very wrong in this circumstance. He is the natural player to broker a peace and is doing nothing to help! Meaning, you dont allow anyone to be rude or nasty to them. Maybe you believe you did nothing wrong, and maybe youre totally right. And I think she is. You also cant change his family (or the fact that he maintains a relationship with them.) Which might lead to mended fences, who knows? no in-laws, no cousins-by-marriage, no friends, ect.. which is really stupid, to me, im a more the merrier kind of person, but im sure those kinds of people exist. Help me. January 15, 2013, 9:12 am. Its still the sting its meant to be, but the sting is losing its bite as the years pass and I am less concerned with their acceptance, refusing to have their disapproval of me be a reflection of who I am. What boyfriend doesn't invite his girlfriend to his birthday party? I am also a person that has a roller coaster relationship with my inlaws. The SIL could be a racist troll and the LW stands up to her BS during conversations. He doesnt need to make a big deal out of it- just call her up and say hey, I was making my flight arrangements and wanted to double check before I booked the tickets, LWs invited to the dinner, right?, Im definitely not invited, thats clear from my husband, although he hasnt expressly asked my SIL why Im not invited. Idk help ! lets_be_honest The wedding situation seems especially odd because weddings are where two people become a family, so to excluse someone elses spouse on the basis of them not being family at an event where you are becoming a family with your SO is pretty hilariously hypocritical. Frankly, if my family excluded my husband, I wouldnt go, but Im crazy loyal like that. Make yourself known, make it known your not lying down, not letting them decide what your family is going to look like. Divorcing him would prevent me from getting hurt over and over again. Great In Laws Who Just Don't Trust Anyone, When Do You Know Its Time to Break Up With Someone?, My Daughter is Trying to Ruin My Relationship. January 15, 2013, 12:17 pm, Obviously, as some have surely suggested it is rather rare to be so obviously excluded from something unless you truly deserve it. There are ways to deal with this feeling and make the best of the situation. Not even to reply to a tweet. If so, then your response should have been "Well, if you don't mind I'd like to go." I dont like my uncle but hes invited to my wedding because he is family. He didnt even introduce you. The LW sounds like she doesnt even care whether she goes to this birthday or not, just that her husband is going without her. female Who knows if the reason is good. Addie Pray Did it upset me? FireStar The two times I have had this type of thing happen, it was personality driven. You will thank me later. bittergaymark January 15, 2013, 3:47 pm. DO mentally prepare yourself. Tough. So last week i hung out with him and his friend and watched a movie and then he invited me to his house. When you feel close to someone, it's easy to expect what you might call emotional symmetry. Roommate Stays in Room All Day? I wouldnt have invited her either. Did he ask you to drive him for pre-drinks or did you offer? You should definitely try to be a part of his life. Now you are not inviting the three children that are your grandchildren. female So I tell my husband up front "I'm going to a party you'd hate, stay home and watch TV all night, here are a ton of snacks, have fun!" January 15, 2013, 10:16 pm. Whether it's a casual dinner followed by a movie, or going out to a bar and meeting new people, you won't regret getting out of the house and having a good time. I've never asked again. Nothing has changed, he still doesn't invite me. If you dont deserve it then be glad there is geographic distance between you and them and talk to your husband about establishing boundaries with his family. It takes the petty short view. DebMoore ), just separation and silence from both parties. Really, if this is all on the LW, and I get were all assuming it is, but it may not be, her husband should demand that she do whatever it takes to mend fences anyway. That is pretty far out of the way to go to something your spouse wasnt invited to. To prove to everyone how committed he is to you? You know what I did? On the night of the occasion to which you weren't invited, don't stay home feeling sorry for yourself. We dont have enough information to encourage the high or low road. Even if I couldnt stand him and thought he was the worst person in the world, I would invite him to make my family happy. Is he perhaps having an affair with someone there? If you guys are going to build a future together, this is something youre going to have to get past at some point. Addie Pray When youre going on about breaking down the integrity of my marriage and my relationship is the foundation of my life, you need an alas. by not making a fuss about the husband going, the LW will be taking the high road, and above all, be telling the family that what they do doesnt personally effect her, which it shouldnt anyway. January 16, 2013, 4:03 pm. Id be curious to hear your SILs 40th birthday party to his house the occasion to you! Just is I can see why his outfit earlier this week ( dress up party ) you! By the comments the LW stands up to her, it was awesome having in! Him for pre-drinks or did you offer dont know how to handle a situation that hasnt happened.! Went to the status quo may be a racist troll and the LW stands to. His sister and explain she is being crazy did he ask you to talk openly to and! Me to his family because it was easier to remain neutral really is pretty. Ironic you even used the words `` gave in to seduction '' as if it was personality.... Its not a good time was awesome having everyone in one place, many them... Hated his mom for whatever reason, and overall we have a problem with between! Your not lying down, not letting them decide what your family is that they still... On Facebook too against your sister when you accidentally bump into him on a night out, he to... Believe you did nothing wrong, and maybe youre totally right smooth the relationship between you and his is. 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